TROIKA! - A disruptive Genie - "Be careful what you wish for"
~ Just me brain splashing my Troika Project (WIP) ~
So, like many of us, I ordered TROIKA! – Numinous Edition many eons ago, and my brains promptly spilled out over the pages. It oozed into the book’s crevices; when I eventually sucked the brain‑ooze back up, I was more Zoanthrop than Matt. Part of my cranium had been replaced with the wonderfully wacky and wild realm of TROIKA!
All that aside… I’ve been thinking of running a Troika one‑shot to get some of my friends involved. They like D&D 5e and have very beginner experience as players. I ran some sessions of 5e for them previously, which they enjoyed, but I felt the rule‑heavy nature made it hard for them to fully get into it. So I wondered if Troika might work out (we will see).
So I started thinking about putting my own twist on The Blancmange & Thistle…
THE SETTING:
I wanted a little bit of grounding (sorry!) to my worlds/space/cosmos/Humpbacked Sky — even if it’s just for my own lore and head‑canon.
In my weird and wonderful variation of Troika, the Humpbacked Sky is known as the Humpbacked Sky but also as The Coz (Cosmos). The City of Troika is the limitless, endless city, and it can be accessed through many different spheres, spaces, and dimensions — doors, portals, beaches, even accidentally by using the wrong kettle at work.
Some areas of the City are more “normal”: people can live in buildings, there are merchants (they may even have shops), and there are docks for golden barges and all manner of sphere‑faring vessels. These stabilised sections are less likely to be affected by the strange goings‑on across the Humpbacked Sky. Maybe the Autarchs designated it so? (I’m reading The Shadow of the Torturer and it’s great so far.)
THE ONE-SHOT: "Rub Me the Wrong Way"
There is a genie named Blue Meanie (no links to any other Blue Meanies out there). They are a big swirling mass of azure, cerulean, and midnight blue. And, classically — like some weird interdimensional snail that loves antiquities — they reside permanently in a burnished gold lamp.
Now, Blue Meanie is a deceptive fellow. After a few thousand years of their pilgrimage — The Lampyrinthian Path, whereby genies must complete tasks across the Humpbacked Sky given to them by Master Genies — they’ve grown tired of the whole business. If a genie chooses to wander or act recklessly with their wishes (e.g. stroking your own lamp), they are ripped back to the DLA (Department of Lamp Affairs) and must complete penitence or be sentenced to un‑lamping… dun… dun… dun…
Blue Meanie decides they’re having none of this pilgrimage nonsense and, across their many travels, finds a way to prevent themselves from being pulled back to the DLA. Thus begins the law‑breaking sacrilege of self‑rubbing:
TROIKA / DLA GENIE POLICY 12‑C: No Self‑Rubbing / No Self‑Wishing
Effective immediately (and forever, frankly): Genies are strictly forbidden from rubbing, polishing, tapping, buffing, caressing, or otherwise romantically engaging with their own lamps in an attempt to generate personal wishes.
Why?
Because the last time someone tried it, we ended up with: a runaway wish‑loop, three duplicate genies arguing about who was “the real one,” and a lamp that exploded so hard it’s still orbiting somewhere over the distant Celestial Crab Cluster.Penalty:
Offenders will be reassigned to Wish Safety Training, which is exactly as fun as it sounds. Or only under extreme circumstances genies can be un-lamped for the safety of the Humpbacked Sky.Reminder:
If you want something, ask nicely like everyone else. Do not rub yourself for it!
The DLA and the Master Genies are not amused by this clear breach of genie law. So a bounty is placed to return Blue Meanie to the DLA and the angry masters — or to break whatever source of power is stopping them from pulling Blue Meanie back.
The last trace of Blue Meanie has them staying in the most illustrious and exquisite penthouse suite of one of the oldest and oddest hotels in Troika… The Blancmange & Thistle. So the players will have to find their way to the top floor of the hotel, while disruptive wishes cause havoc as they navigate the floors and other guests.
I plan to have some henchmen available — maybe a couple of unemployed mandrills and baboons who’ve just been fired and can be found drinking at the downstairs bar.
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I’ll save the rest for the next post… or maybe I’ll finally expose what the Porcelain Leviathan is.
Thanks for reading.