Comstock The Trench Knight - Weird War of the Cannon Fodder (DANCON 2026)
Hello there, my fellow trench Die Lvmens and Ochlocrats and everyone in-between!
I’d said earlier I was doing the Megadungeon — that didn’t quite go to plan, though it’s still on the cards… when it isn’t sold out. Instead, I found myself at DANCON, on the second floor of a Manor House Library in Lewisham. Worlds collided, spheres cracked, and in the Weird War of the Cannon Fodder, artillery happily flattened Die Lvmens and Ochlocrat trenches alike. I would know. I was there.
The DANCON Session:
At the table, the GM handed me a stack of preset character sheets. I hovered between Horse Breather and Trench Knight, but in the end, full plate wins every time, and all the horses are dead anyway. And so, Comstock, The Trench Knight was born — well, he’s 54, so technically he was born 54 years ago. A hulking, simple minded Trench Knight with a big heart, a heavy trench club, and very few useful skills. Off into the trenches we went.Mission: investigate an Orchard — or what remained of one — where a band of Psychopomp Geographical Explorers had been spotted. Work out if they were friendlies or heretics. A lucky rumour roll told us of a Crystal Apple. Promising, or so we thought.
The Squad:
- Comstock - The Trench Knight
- Frogs - The Scoundrel
- Dibs on Boots - Barbed-Wire Whisperer
- Molerat - Barbed Wire Cutter
- Jericho - Railway Man
- (Varkan Vale - Medic)
The trenches were a maze, and we’d forgotten our compass. Comstock volunteered to poke his head above the parapet for a bit of eye spy. I spotted a machine gun nest...the bullets pinging off my helmet gave it away. Jericho, our explosives enthusiast, lobbed dynamite straight into their laps. Meanwhile, our two scouters, Dibs on Boots and Frogs, uncovered coded enemy documents.
Further in, Comstock had a brilliant idea: strapping the torso of a fallen soldier to his chest (like in baby carrier). It later earned me +1 to my already +3 armour, so who’s laughing? Also I used the torso as a puppet to check a trench ahead, I promptly stepped on a blinding grenade. Ochlocrat soldiers descended on us.
The GM gave me a choice: stand in front of the incoming fire or dodge and let my lightly armoured allies take the hit. Comstock spread his arms wide and took the lot, dropping from 15 stamina to 3 in a single turn. The torso exploded on the first volley. An event token saved us — a shell hit the middle ground, giving both sides cover. Mole Rat, our elected leader, revived me with rations.
After some digging and a kip, we were back at it. At dawn we ambushed an enemy officer and his lackey. Comstock claimed the officer’s sabre and strapped it to his back. Soon after, we found a bunker. Frogs led, Comstock followed, descending into the dark as the world above was carpet bombed. As we descended deeper into the bunker that smelt like mouldy rations, there was increasingly heavier vibrations. We found a circular, pitch-black chamber – it was full of bones.
It was, of course, a trench sarlac pit creature (actually a Mouth of the Impure - just reading the pdf while my book is awaiting shipping!). While the rest of us fumbled to reach the door on the other side, Dibs whipped out his retractable tank trap and threw it into the creatures maw, there then some failed plasma gun firing but eventually a second Dibs counter was pulled and he hurled himself into its maw wrapped in barbed wire — heroic and effective. Man down but the beast was dead, the room turned into a blood and mud quicksand, and Comstock hauled Mole Rat out by dangling his trench club into the pit.
Steve joined the table as Varkan Vale, an Ochlocrat medic. With some persuasion, we swapped Mole Rat’s Die Lvmen emblem onto Varkan’s arm and gained a much needed healer. Emerging from Frogs’ hastily dug tunnel, we found the world above shimmering with a magical bombardment. Varkan revealed it was an experimental love gas weapon. Comstock, the only one with a gas mask, strode out to find masks for the squad. A failed luck check summoned a giant centipede, which we dispatched with club and Frogs’ spear!
Gas masked and ready, we pushed through the haze. Grinning corpses lined the trenches. Eventually we reached a translucent dome full of plants and four figures holding hands around a floating head. They invited us to remove our masks and join them — which the Die Lvmens handbook definitely lists as heresy.
With time running short, we assumed this must be the Orchard. No Crystal Apples in sight — terrible rumour. Inside, Frogs’ damaged mask finally gave way, and he inhaled the love gas, falling for the pacifists’ lies. He dropped his weapons and stepped forward.
Comstock, seeing the floating head, checked his inventory — no ranged weapons. So he did what any Trench Knight would: hammered his armour with his club, bellowed “CHARGE! FOR THE DIE LVMENS!”, and sprinted in. Initiative began. My full plate was turned to ash, but I managed to partially bludgeon one follower.
The squad scrambled. Shots missed. Jericho and Comstock took hostages. In a rasping voice the head threatened to “drop the dome” if we did not surrender the hostages. Artillery burst harmlessly above. Mole Rat, thinking himself clever, attempted to lob dynamite from Jericho’s pack. Two fumbled rolls later, he and Jericho exploded, decorating the Orchard with their remains.
Varkan handed Frogs’ a gas mask, restoring his senses. Comstock after watching two of his squad mates explode in front of him reasoned that the mission was simply to “investigate” the Orchard and determine heresy. Job done. The three survivors left. After Varkan saved Frogs from the cultists, we agreed he could return to his own lines with a tale to tell.
Comstock and Frogs debated returning to Die Lvmens trenches, realised it meant execution, and chose to desert. They reached the map’s edge, where the golden barges take off… and were promptly flattened by artillery. Honestly, it ended exactly as expected. A wonderfully weird war, and grim business for the cannon fodder.
That was my first game — brilliant fun. Andrew Walter GM’d; turns out he does a lot of art for Melsonia Arts Council. Strange world. 10/10 GM. Would happily be shelled to bits in one of his games again. I’ve since bought both Weird War and Cannon Fodder, hoping to run something equally chaotic myself!
After playing my first lot of Troika!, I have some take aways:
- Initiative tokens being drawn from a bag, works very well at producing random and tense play, you spend moments hoping the monster or enemy wont act first! Or being put on the spot when your token is drawn consecutively.
- The combat feels fast paced and risky! Victory is not assured no matter how good your skill is.
- And the fact characters are not jack of all trades means you really focus on the team play and figuring out everyone’s skills.
- I am very, very unlucky. I think I successfully rolled 3 luck rolls in the entire 4 hour session!
I feel inspired to make some minis, do some maps and maybe write a little one shot Troika game!